His Mercies are New Every Morning (and another secret recipe)

I've been going through another pondering phase. I've tried to write several times, but my thoughts were going in so many different directions, it was futile. Today, I found my focus. It is in the title of this post.

I've been having neurological issues that I had been attributing to what I call my "brain thing"(the post stroke problem). However, there were new things coming up. I chose to ignore them. I mean, really, what is the likelihood that a person would have two brain things. I am going to be radical here and say that I really think God is the one who gave us the ability to block some things and keep them out of our minds. Otherwise, people might go nutso. I'm not saying it is good to avoid processing through things, but maybe some things can wait awhile until other stresses calm down a little.

Back to the story...about 4 months ago, I was at work and one of the doctors mentioned that a patient had ptosis (drooping) of just one eye. He said that was not good. I asked him why and he said that it was an indicator of a neurological disease. He said the name, but I did not remember it later. I told him that I had ptosis of my left eye. I noticed it about 6 months ago. He said it wasn't a problem if I were born with it. At that point, I wanted to have been born with it. I chose to block it out of my mind. However, leading up to and during my last hospitalization, I was developing weakness all over my body, instead of just on my right side and my voice would sound funny sometimes. When I went to my neurologist, she told me that she thought I probably had Myasthenic syndrome. I said, "that would be a bummer," and I left and went about my day, trying to keep that thought at bay.

One of the ways I survive life is by not focusing on my problems. I don't completely ignore them because if I did I would end up not treating my anaphylaxis and that would be fatal. I couldn't help but notice weakness, but I just went about my day and tried to ignore it. After the visit to the neurologist, I started paying attention and realized that there were different things going on with me. Sometimes I get weak and numb on my right side only and this is often associated with other symptoms I had during my stroke, such as expressive aphasia(not being able to speak the words I am thinking...have a voice, but the words will not come out), and right sided vision problems. However, at other times I just get weak with no numbness and no associated symptoms. Sometimes I have everything at once. Every day when I wake up I have my voice, then I have Katherine Hepburn's voice and then I have no voice. Every day when I wake up I am strong, then the more I move the weaker I get. All of these symptoms match Myasthenia. To say I am excited about this, would be a lie.

Now for the fun stuff, you know, the glad game. What have I learned? What is good about this? It is in the title of this blog! Every morning, I get to wake up to a new me. I have a voice. I have strong muscles. What a great reminder of God's mercies! They are new every morning! What a powerful reminder and encouragement.

Secondly, I have refined my ability to not worry about the future. It is more automatic. The other day I thought to myself, "I can't even walk on the beach anymore, because I wouldn't know how far I could go and I could lose my ability to walk and end up stranded. A wheelchair can't be pushed in the sand and by the time I got my strength back the tide may well have washed me out to sea." But then I said to myself, "I am not going to the beach today, so what does it matter?" It really doesn't matter. Who knows, I may go into remission tomorrow. I may not, but either way, each day I will have all I need to do what God wants me to do that day.

Some people compare me to Job in the Bible. Actually, lots of people do. However, he lost his children. I still have mine. We both had unsupportive spouses and both of us have/had health problems, but a huge difference other than the kid thing is that he had rotten friends who gave rotten advise. Here he was, a Godly man and they were telling him that all this happened to him because he sinned. That hasn't happened to me once. I have the best friends and family a person could have. In fact, at my family reunion, my family gathered around me and prayed over me. I am so lifted up by the people in my life. I am beyond grateful.

And since I am so beyond grateful and people are requesting my secret chili recipe, here it is...

Start by soaking in a lot of water(at least to twice the level of the beans)

       1 1/3 cups pinto beans

        1 1/3 cup kidney beans

       1 1/3 cups black beans

Soak all day or overnight. Pour into colander and rinse.

Fry up 4 pounds of ground beef and 1 medium onion in a very large pot.

Add 2 large cans tomato juice
2 quarts canned tomatoes
1/4 cup chili powder
1 tablespoon salt
1 tablespoon cornstarch
1 tablespoon minced dried garlic
1 tablespoon ground cumin
1 1/2 tsp coriander
1 1/2 tsp basil
1 1/2 tsp oregano
1 1/2 tsp crushed red pepper flakes
3/4 tsp pepper

I cook this all together for most of a day. Then I transfer it to a crock pot and cook for another day. Cooking it for so long blends the flavors nicely. This is not a spicey chili. If you want it "hotter", just adjust the spices accordingly.